Courage
THE THING
Here’s the Thing! Whenever women think of a Real Man, whenever they think of masculinity, they think of a spine made of steel. Courage. A Real Man stands up for what he believes in; he speaks out against injustice and that which is not fair. He will support and provide for his family and will take on the world to protect or to provide for them.
Courage does not necessarily mean the absence of fear. In fact, it has been said that there can be no courage without fear. Real Men feel fear. But instead of allowing the fear to control or cripple them they understand that fear is necessary. Fear, they understand, is mostly false expectations appearing real. Fear heightens our awareness, changes our breathing and creates a chemical reaction in our bodies to fight or run. It gets the adrenaline flowing and allows us to think and act faster. When it is illogical to fight, when the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against us, and the fight has no purpose in code or honour; when the fight will solve nothing - Real Men do walk away to stand and fight another day. But Real Men know this is the exception to the rule because fear also means feeling energised and ready. Real Men feel the fear and are driven, not in spite of it, but because of it, to do what needs to be done. Fear makes you feel alive and excited.
Real Men understand that courage is needed in many, many places and it takes on many forms. It takes courage to walk away. It takes courage to be silent. It takes courage to smile when you are in pain. It takes courage to stand by and watch others learn a painful lesson without interference because the lesson must be learnt. It takes courage to act against that which is popular, but nevertheless wrong. It takes courage to be in the game when you are sad. It takes courage to give in a world full of takers and to ask for help when you really need it. It takes courage to look and actually to see, to touch and to allow yourself really to feel. It takes courage to get out of bed when you are sick; to make that call; to admit you are wrong; to say sorry; to ask for forgiveness and to not be forgiven.
THE REWARD
Being a man of courage has rewards far beyond the imagination. And the rewards occur in all areas of your life. Courage is rewarded in relationships with a lifelong, loving partner. It’s rewarded in finances and riches beyond your wildest dreams. With courage all things are possible, from spiritual enlightenment to unbelievable material wealth. You will gain self-respect and thereby the respect of others. You will be able to get stuff done and to follow your dreams.
THE HOW TO
- Feel the fear and accept it, use it to move forward. Feel the butterflies and get them to fly in formation to help you. Fear is your buddy.
- Listen to fear: it will steer your courage and you will know when to fight and when to walk away.
- It takes the most courage sometimes to walk away. So walk when you know you don’t have to - but it’s the manly thing to do. I once walked away from a fight because my kids were in the restaurant. To let them see me throw down in a family eatery because I was bumped and then punched in the face was not what I wanted my girls and little boy to see. To this day it still bugs me because I know I could have taken him - but I walked away. I will unpack this event more in chapter 3, the 9th Man Rule.
- Control your breathing and try to relax if you feel the adrenaline pumping too fast. You will know it is, because you will feel paralysed. Your body is getting you to relax so that you can think clearly.
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Stop, Think, Act; or walk away.
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Face all of your fears, one at a time until you become fear-less. Get it? You need to fear less if you are fear-full. Real Men face their fears until they understand them and they have no hold on them anymore. So find a place that teaches you how to speak in front of a crowd or go to a place where they will punch you in the face. (It really isn’t that bad.) Ask 100 women out and try to get rejected by all of them until you get that rejection is not that bad. Oh, and expect a load of yeses because most of the fear is just crap in your head and women actually do want to dance and go out and have a relationship.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
- But what if I fail?
The only thing worse then failing is not trying. Don’t become a shoudda, woudda, coudda; having to one day sit in your rocking chair, telling your grand kids how you should-da done that, would-da tried that and could-da been that. - I’m scared.
Tell someone, tell your insiders; when you tell people you trust, they will probably want to help. By telling someone, you are able to share your fear and get encouragement or a different perspective. Try and identify what it is you are scared of and take action. Try and work out what the worst-case scenario could be and act from that point. - I’m really scared.
Two choices:
Walk away and come back when you are ready, (look, the opportunity may be lost or another guy may ask her to marry him), that’s the risk.It’s okay to be scared and if you really don’t want to do something, own it and walk. It takes courage to admit and own your fears.OR, you could - Man up buddy! Sometimes you just have to stop being a bloody wimp! Grow a pair. What’s the worst that can happen? You lose the bet; don’t get the result; she says no; you get a good dressing down; a bruised ego or tragedy of all tragedies - a bloody nose. Always remember that broken bones heal and chicks dig scars.
WISDOM
"Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Ann Radmacher
A Real Man has Character
THE THING
Here’s the Thing! So what is character? It’s a healthy self-image. It’s self-belief and not arrogance. It’s doing the right thing when the right thing needs to be done. It’s stepping forward when someone needs help. It’s commitment and being a man of your word. It’s doing what you say you will do. It’s the essence of being a Real Man.
So these ideals seem a little lofty and almost impossible, but they are not. This MANual is all about how to attain character so hopefully you are already on your journey. You see, being a Real Man is a daily practice to a destination we can only imagine for now. We can, we must, walk, talk and act like a Real Man and the more we do, the more we try, the more aware we are of our actions, the more we become. You don’t have to be perfect and have the perfect character. You just have to strive for excellence ever day. No one is perfect. Again, from Second Hand Lions: something doesn’t have to be for you to believe in it or for you to strive for it. Believing that you can and that you are a person of character will make you try and walk and talk and act like a person of character. A person of character has all of the foundations in this section. He is courageous, authentic, has integrity, speaks the truth, takes pride in all that he does and he is honourable. He cares, has feelings, loves to agitate, is humble and when times get tough he weathers the storms. He lives life on purpose and is an action man who always provides for and supports his family.
A Real Man has these as his foundation. Some Real Men (RM) have one or two of these character traits and live them to the extreme, others have some of them, but all RM work on these values and behaviours every day.
THE REWARD
Men with character own the world and anything they wish to have, do or be.
THE HOW TO
- Draw up your list of character beliefs or values - if you wish to call them that - and commit to them.
- Wake up every day and remind yourself that you have character and then live each day as a person of character; putting into action the values that make you a man of character.
- There are many ways to build character. One of the best ways is through achievements or constant, never ending self-improvement.
- This is where planning and discipline play a role. Set a goal and achieve it. When you do what you say you will do, you build trust in yourself and the more you are able to trust yourself the more you will learn to like yourself. Keep your word and do your ‘do’s’ every day and the self-like will become self-love. There can be no love or like without trust.
- Please don’t skim over this bit - it is the crux of the whole MANual. Trust is the secret. Trust means that you do what you say you will do, no matter what, and with NO EXCUSES. A Real Man is built one trust at a time.
- If you say and commit that you will walk 3km every day, then it doesn’t matter if the situation or circumstances are not ideal; if it’s raining, cold, snowing, hailing, or you have a headache - you walk.
- If you say you will call, deliver, drop, collect, email, post, attend, support, stop doing, start doing, or whatever you have to - you do it.
- Okay let’s go a bit deep here because this is so important: Everyone needs to be loved and liked, “it’s the purpose of life”, says Aristotle. If you want someone to love and like you, who has to like you first? You. You have to like and love yourself before anyone can love or like you. So, how do you learn to like and love yourself? The foundation of love and like is … trust. You cannot like and love someone if you cannot trust them. The same applies to you. It follows then that you need to be able to trust yourself. You learn to trust yourself by keeping your word with yourself. In other words – you keep your promises, especially the small ones that you make with yourself and others every day.
- When you keep your word, especially with yourself, your subconscious mind tells your conscious mind that you are trusted and the more you are trusted the more you are liked by yourself. Stay with me here because this is good. The more you trust and like yourself the more you will start to love yourself. You really cannot like another person if you can’t trust them; you cannot love another if you don’t like them. The same applies to you: you cannot like or love yourself if you can’t trust yourself. It all starts with trusting yourself and keeping your word. All good so far? You still with me?
The longer you keep trusting, liking and loving yourself the more you will start respecting yourself for all you have done, achieved and become. When you do this again and again you will begin to accept yourself because you will have achieved self-acceptance. You accept yourself for who you are, for what you have done and achieved due to your effort and actions. The more you keep your word and grow self-trust and self-love - you will develop self-respect.
Soon you will start to have self-recognition and then you become a person of self worth or character. So, again, keeping you word and doing the stuff you commit to, will teach you and get you a feeling of being trust worthy. One more time so you really get this: when you trust yourself to do what you say and you start seeing the rewards of your actions you start to like yourself. Keep it going and you will soon start to love yourself, then to accept yourself, then to respect yourself and then you begin to recognise you for all you have become and you then have self-worth. You hold yourself in high regard.
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A person with self worth is a person who sees themselves as having worth and being worthy. When you have self-love and respect you become love-able and respect-able to others. You have the able-ity to respect, to love, to accept, because you are trustable, likeable, loveable, acceptable and respectable. If you do this over and over you may become respect – full, and when you are full of love, acceptance, trust, and your cup runneth over, then you can willingly give love and acceptance to others.
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If all of this hurts your head then all you have to remember is to keep your word and do what you say you will do. Keep your promises, no matter what, especially the commitments you make to yourself … and see the miracle.
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Re-read this as many times as you like until you really get it. It’s arguably one of the most important things you need to get in your life.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
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This all sounds very intellectual and very hard.
It’s not … but it is. Forget all the explanations and do one thing. KEEP YOUR WORD. DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO AND DO IT OVER AND OVER. (So it’s a pretty simple idea but hard to execute because it requires discipline and grit.)That’s it. That is all you have to do or be. Be a person of your word. Draw up a plan for your life and what you wish to achieve or the values you wish to live. Put the actions you need to do daily in a diary or reminder system, and don’t quit or miss a step. The rest will happen whether you focus on it or not. You don’t even have to understand it. Just do what you need to do in your marriage, with your kids, your career, your body, your spirituality, your education, your business, your creating, and marvel at not only what you achieve and the accolades you get from others – but the man of character you become.
WISDOM
“I said it; I did it”, is the surest and quickest way to build character, love and respect." - Nivag Selprahs