THE THING

Here’s the Thing! Whenever women think of a Real Man, whenever they think of masculinity, they think of a spine made of steel. Courage. A Real Man stands up for what he believes in; he speaks out against injustice and that which is not fair. He will support and provide for his family and will take on the world to protect or to provide for them.

Courage does not necessarily mean the absence of fear. In fact, it has been said that there can be no courage without fear. Real Men feel fear. But instead of allowing the fear to control or cripple them they understand that fear is necessary. Fear, they understand, is mostly false expectations appearing real. Fear heightens our awareness, changes our breathing and creates a chemical reaction in our bodies to fight or run. It gets the adrenaline flowing and allows us to think and act faster. When it is illogical to fight, when the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against us, and the fight has no purpose in code or honour; when the fight will solve nothing – Real Men do walk away to stand and fight another day. But Real Men know this is the exception to the rule because fear also means feeling energised and ready. Real Men feel the fear and are driven, not in spite of it, but because of it, to do what needs to be done. Fear makes you feel alive and excited.

Real Men understand that courage is needed in many, many places and it takes on many forms. It takes courage to walk away. It takes courage to be silent. It takes courage to smile when you are in pain. It takes courage to stand by and watch others learn a painful lesson without interference because the lesson must be learnt. It takes courage to act against that which is popular, but nevertheless wrong. It takes courage to be in the game when you are sad. It takes courage to give in a world full of takers and to ask for help when you really need it. It takes courage to look and actually to see, to touch and to allow yourself really to feel. It takes courage to get out of bed when you are sick; to make that call; to admit you are wrong; to say sorry; to ask for forgiveness and to not be forgiven.

THE REWARD

Being a man of courage has rewards far beyond the imagination. And the rewards occur in all areas of your life. Courage is rewarded in relationships with a lifelong, loving partner. It’s rewarded in finances and riches beyond your wildest dreams. With courage all things are possible, from spiritual enlightenment to unbelievable material wealth. You will gain self-respect and thereby the respect of others. You will be able to get stuff done and to follow your dreams.

THE HOW TO

1. Feel the fear and accept it, use it to move forward. Feel the butterflies and get them to fly in formation to help you. Fear is your buddy.
2. Listen to fear: it will steer your courage and you will know when to fight and when to walk away.
3. It takes the most courage sometimes to walk away. So walk when you know you don’t have to – but it’s the manly thing to do. I once walked away from a fight because my kids were in the restaurant. To let them see me throw down in a family eatery because I was bumped and then punched in the face was not what I wanted my girls and little boy to see. To this day it still bugs me because I know I could have taken him – but I walked away. I will unpack this event more in chapter 3, the 9th Man Rule.
4. Control your breathing and try to relax if you feel the adrenaline pumping too fast. You will know it is, because you will feel paralysed. Your body is getting you to relax so that you can think clearly.

5. Stop, Think, Act; or walk away.

6. Face all of your fears, one at a time until you become fear-less. Get it? You need to fear less if you are fear-full. Real Men face their fears until they understand them and they have no hold on them anymore. So find a place that teaches you how to speak in front of a crowd or go to a place where they will punch you in the face. (It really isn’t that bad.) Ask 100 women out and try to get rejected by all of them until you get that rejection is not that bad. Oh, and expect a load of yeses because most of the fear is just crap in your head and women actually do want to dance and go out and have a relationship.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

• But what if I fail?
  The only thing worse then failing is not trying. Don’t become a shoudda, woudda, coudda; having to one day sit in your rocking chair, telling your grand kids how you should-da done that, would-da tried that and could-da been that.
• I’m scared.
  Tell someone, tell your insiders; when you tell people you trust, they will probably want to help. By telling someone, you are able to share your fear and get encouragement or a different perspective. Try and identify what it is you are scared of and take action. Try and work out what the worst-case scenario could be and act from that point.
• I’m really scared.
  Two choices:
  Walk away and come back when you are ready, (look, the opportunity may be lost or another guy may ask her to marry him), that’s the risk.It’s okay to be scared and if you really don’t want to do something, own it and walk. It takes courage to admit and own your fears.OR, you could – Man up buddy! Sometimes you just have to stop being a bloody wimp! Grow a pair. What’s the worst that can happen? You lose the bet; don’t get the result; she says no; you get a good dressing down; a bruised ego or tragedy of all tragedies – a bloody nose. Always remember that broken bones heal and chicks dig scars.

WISDOM

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Ann Radmacher