Courage

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! Whenever women think of a Real Man, whenever they think of masculinity, they think of a spine made of steel. Courage. A Real Man stands up for what he believes in; he speaks out against injustice and that which is not fair. He will support and provide for his family and will take on the world to protect or to provide for them.

Courage does not necessarily mean the absence of fear. In fact, it has been said that there can be no courage without fear. Real Men feel fear. But instead of allowing the fear to control or cripple them they understand that fear is necessary. Fear, they understand, is mostly false expectations appearing real. Fear heightens our awareness, changes our breathing and creates a chemical reaction in our bodies to fight or run. It gets the adrenaline flowing and allows us to think and act faster. When it is illogical to fight, when the odds are overwhelmingly stacked against us, and the fight has no purpose in code or honour; when the fight will solve nothing - Real Men do walk away to stand and fight another day. But Real Men know this is the exception to the rule because fear also means feeling energised and ready. Real Men feel the fear and are driven, not in spite of it, but because of it, to do what needs to be done. Fear makes you feel alive and excited.

Real Men understand that courage is needed in many, many places and it takes on many forms. It takes courage to walk away. It takes courage to be silent. It takes courage to smile when you are in pain. It takes courage to stand by and watch others learn a painful lesson without interference because the lesson must be learnt. It takes courage to act against that which is popular, but nevertheless wrong. It takes courage to be in the game when you are sad. It takes courage to give in a world full of takers and to ask for help when you really need it. It takes courage to look and actually to see, to touch and to allow yourself really to feel. It takes courage to get out of bed when you are sick; to make that call; to admit you are wrong; to say sorry; to ask for forgiveness and to not be forgiven.

THE REWARD

Being a man of courage has rewards far beyond the imagination. And the rewards occur in all areas of your life. Courage is rewarded in relationships with a lifelong, loving partner. It’s rewarded in finances and riches beyond your wildest dreams. With courage all things are possible, from spiritual enlightenment to unbelievable material wealth. You will gain self-respect and thereby the respect of others. You will be able to get stuff done and to follow your dreams.

THE HOW TO

  1. Feel the fear and accept it, use it to move forward. Feel the butterflies and get them to fly in formation to help you. Fear is your buddy.
  2. Listen to fear: it will steer your courage and you will know when to fight and when to walk away.
  3. It takes the most courage sometimes to walk away. So walk when you know you don’t have to - but it’s the manly thing to do. I once walked away from a fight because my kids were in the restaurant. To let them see me throw down in a family eatery because I was bumped and then punched in the face was not what I wanted my girls and little boy to see. To this day it still bugs me because I know I could have taken him - but I walked away. I will unpack this event more in chapter 3, the 9th Man Rule.
  4. Control your breathing and try to relax if you feel the adrenaline pumping too fast. You will know it is, because you will feel paralysed. Your body is getting you to relax so that you can think clearly.

  5. Stop, Think, Act; or walk away.

  6. Face all of your fears, one at a time until you become fear-less. Get it? You need to fear less if you are fear-full. Real Men face their fears until they understand them and they have no hold on them anymore. So find a place that teaches you how to speak in front of a crowd or go to a place where they will punch you in the face. (It really isn’t that bad.) Ask 100 women out and try to get rejected by all of them until you get that rejection is not that bad. Oh, and expect a load of yeses because most of the fear is just crap in your head and women actually do want to dance and go out and have a relationship.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • But what if I fail?
    The only thing worse then failing is not trying. Don’t become a shoudda, woudda, coudda; having to one day sit in your rocking chair, telling your grand kids how you should-da done that, would-da tried that and could-da been that.
  • I’m scared.
    Tell someone, tell your insiders; when you tell people you trust, they will probably want to help. By telling someone, you are able to share your fear and get encouragement or a different perspective. Try and identify what it is you are scared of and take action. Try and work out what the worst-case scenario could be and act from that point.
  • I’m really scared.
    Two choices:
    Walk away and come back when you are ready, (look, the opportunity may be lost or another guy may ask her to marry him), that’s the risk.It’s okay to be scared and if you really don’t want to do something, own it and walk. It takes courage to admit and own your fears.OR, you could - Man up buddy! Sometimes you just have to stop being a bloody wimp! Grow a pair. What’s the worst that can happen? You lose the bet; don’t get the result; she says no; you get a good dressing down; a bruised ego or tragedy of all tragedies - a bloody nose. Always remember that broken bones heal and chicks dig scars.

WISDOM

"Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Ann Radmacher

by Koco

A Real Man is an Educated Man

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! The more you know the freer you are, the more you know the better the man you can be. And I am not speaking here only about book educated - although book education is important - it’s less important than skills, common sense, creativity and universal or practical knowledge. A Real Man understands that education is the cornerstone of success, health and happiness. A Real Man never stops learning, never stops up-skilling himself, and never stops improving what he knows.

I once met a man who was 65 and starting his degree. He was the chairman of the board but he knew the importance of knowing more. He was well into his 70s when he achieved his doctorate.

The more you know the more power and control you have over your life and the situations you will find yourself in. A Real Man has a thirst for knowledge.

THE REWARD

Education will set you free and open opportunities.

Creativity is the currency of the future - nurture yours and use it in every area of your life.

Education gets you more opportunities, more money and more relationships, and it cannot be taken away from you.

THE HOW TO

  1. Never stop learning.
  2. Enroll in a new course or programme every year. Become the master of your chosen field by learning and studying your craft until you are the best.
  3. Seek out people who have been there and done that; take them to lunch. You can learn more in an hour’s lunch, with someone who has walked the path, than you can in a year of studying.
  4. Continuously educate yourself in your industry.
  5. Continuously educate yourself about world and local events.
  6. Up-skill yourself with practical, hands-on skills, courses and programmes.
  7. Read books, journals, reports and opinions, and set up Google alerts. Isn’t it amazing that on average, rich and successful people generally read 10 times more books than average working people? Set up an annual education target for yourself to improve your mind and your skills.
  8. Continuously educate yourself on how the world works, on how people operate and how people think. Learn how people communicate and why. Try to understand the phenomenon of self-interest in people and how most of them function with self-interest in mind. Take a course in communication skills and body language reading.
  9. Learn, study and embrace knowledge and education, and never stop.
  10. Watch other people do their jobs and learn from them. When a professional is called in to do something at your home or office, ask questions, listen, watch and learn.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • I can’t afford to study. I haven’t got time to read. I just hate reading.
    Ever since Google arrived, education is practically free. The Internet is full of interesting videos and audio books. Watch TED videos as often as you can, nothing could be easier, you basically have an international expert lecturing to you while you make notes.Many books have summaries that are done by other people who have read them, so by reading an hour a day you could get the main lessons of about 3 books.YouTube now allows you to not have to read a word, and still get educated.The real idea here is, as I have said before, those who want to will; those who don’t, won’t.

WISDOM

"Education is not the learning of facts but the training of the mind to think." - Albert Einstein

by Koco

A Real Man has Character

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! So what is character? It’s a healthy self-image. It’s self-belief and not arrogance. It’s doing the right thing when the right thing needs to be done. It’s stepping forward when someone needs help. It’s commitment and being a man of your word. It’s doing what you say you will do. It’s the essence of being a Real Man.

So these ideals seem a little lofty and almost impossible, but they are not. This MANual is all about how to attain character so hopefully you are already on your journey. You see, being a Real Man is a daily practice to a destination we can only imagine for now. We can, we must, walk, talk and act like a Real Man and the more we do, the more we try, the more aware we are of our actions, the more we become. You don’t have to be perfect and have the perfect character. You just have to strive for excellence ever day. No one is perfect. Again, from Second Hand Lions: something doesn’t have to be for you to believe in it or for you to strive for it. Believing that you can and that you are a person of character will make you try and walk and talk and act like a person of character. A person of character has all of the foundations in this section. He is courageous, authentic, has integrity, speaks the truth, takes pride in all that he does and he is honourable. He cares, has feelings, loves to agitate, is humble and when times get tough he weathers the storms. He lives life on purpose and is an action man who always provides for and supports his family.

A Real Man has these as his foundation. Some Real Men (RM) have one or two of these character traits and live them to the extreme, others have some of them, but all RM work on these values and behaviours every day.

THE REWARD

Men with character own the world and anything they wish to have, do or be.

THE HOW TO

  1. Draw up your list of character beliefs or values - if you wish to call them that - and commit to them.
  2. Wake up every day and remind yourself that you have character and then live each day as a person of character; putting into action the values that make you a man of character.
  3. There are many ways to build character. One of the best ways is through achievements or constant, never ending self-improvement.
  4. This is where planning and discipline play a role. Set a goal and achieve it. When you do what you say you will do, you build trust in yourself and the more you are able to trust yourself the more you will learn to like yourself. Keep your word and do your ‘do’s’ every day and the self-like will become self-love. There can be no love or like without trust.
  5. Please don’t skim over this bit - it is the crux of the whole MANual. Trust is the secret. Trust means that you do what you say you will do, no matter what, and with NO EXCUSES. A Real Man is built one trust at a time.
  6. If you say and commit that you will walk 3km every day, then it doesn’t matter if the situation or circumstances are not ideal; if it’s raining, cold, snowing, hailing, or you have a headache - you walk.
  7. If you say you will call, deliver, drop, collect, email, post, attend, support, stop doing, start doing, or whatever you have to - you do it.
  8. Okay let’s go a bit deep here because this is so important: Everyone needs to be loved and liked, “it’s the purpose of life”, says Aristotle. If you want someone to love and like you, who has to like you first? You. You have to like and love yourself before anyone can love or like you. So, how do you learn to like and love yourself? The foundation of love and like is … trust. You cannot like and love someone if you cannot trust them. The same applies to you. It follows then that you need to be able to trust yourself. You learn to trust yourself by keeping your word with yourself. In other words – you keep your promises, especially the small ones that you make with yourself and others every day.
  9. When you keep your word, especially with yourself, your subconscious mind tells your conscious mind that you are trusted and the more you are trusted the more you are liked by yourself. Stay with me here because this is good. The more you trust and like yourself the more you will start to love yourself. You really cannot like another person if you can’t trust them; you cannot love another if you don’t like them. The same applies to you: you cannot like or love yourself if you can’t trust yourself. It all starts with trusting yourself and keeping your word. All good so far? You still with me?

    The longer you keep trusting, liking and loving yourself the more you will start respecting yourself for all you have done, achieved and become. When you do this again and again you will begin to accept yourself because you will have achieved self-acceptance. You accept yourself for who you are, for what you have done and achieved due to your effort and actions. The more you keep your word and grow self-trust and self-love - you will develop self-respect.

    Soon you will start to have self-recognition and then you become a person of self worth or character. So, again, keeping you word and doing the stuff you commit to, will teach you and get you a feeling of being trust worthy. One more time so you really get this: when you trust yourself to do what you say and you start seeing the rewards of your actions you start to like yourself. Keep it going and you will soon start to love yourself, then to accept yourself, then to respect yourself and then you begin to recognise you for all you have become and you then have self-worth. You hold yourself in high regard.

  10. A person with self worth is a person who sees themselves as having worth and being worthy. When you have self-love and respect you become love-able and respect-able to others. You have the able-ity to respect, to love, to accept, because you are trustable, likeable, loveable, acceptable and respectable. If you do this over and over you may become respect – full, and when you are full of love, acceptance, trust, and your cup runneth over, then you can willingly give love and acceptance to others.

  11. If all of this hurts your head then all you have to remember is to keep your word and do what you say you will do. Keep your promises, no matter what, especially the commitments you make to yourself … and see the miracle.

  12. Re-read this as many times as you like until you really get it. It’s arguably one of the most important things you need to get in your life.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • This all sounds very intellectual and very hard.
    It’s not … but it is. Forget all the explanations and do one thing. KEEP YOUR WORD. DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO AND DO IT OVER AND OVER. (So it’s a pretty simple idea but hard to execute because it requires discipline and grit.)

    That’s it. That is all you have to do or be. Be a person of your word. Draw up a plan for your life and what you wish to achieve or the values you wish to live. Put the actions you need to do daily in a diary or reminder system, and don’t quit or miss a step. The rest will happen whether you focus on it or not. You don’t even have to understand it. Just do what you need to do in your marriage, with your kids, your career, your body, your spirituality, your education, your business, your creating, and marvel at not only what you achieve and the accolades you get from others – but the man of character you become.

WISDOM

“I said it; I did it”, is the surest and quickest way to build character, love and respect." - Nivag Selprahs

by Koco

A Real Man’s Superpower is Self-Control

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! So, you want to have a superpower, you want to be a superhero? Try the most difficult of all superpowers: self-control. You do this, and you have mastered life. A Real Man has the ability to respond and react in a state of absolute personal control. Being a person who is fully in control of his base instincts, his emotions and his life is what Real Men strive for their entire lives.

Men who are able to control their outbursts, emotions, actions, reactions and what they put into their pie holes become Real Men very fast.

Self-control says exactly what is on the box: it is the ability to control yourself. The ability only to speak when it is appropriate and you have thought through what it is you are going to say.

It is the ability to control your tongue and say nothing instead of making a situation worse.

It is the ability to eat only what is good for your body, to drink only that which is pure.

It is your ability to rise and grind a result every day especially when you don’t feel like it.

It is your ability to exercise when you should and to rest and recover when it’s the best thing for you.

The extraordinary superpower is when you achieve the ability to control your thoughts. When you control what you think, you control your actions. Your thoughts come primarily from your beliefs so if you can learn to control and understand your beliefs, you end up controlling your thoughts and your actions.

A man’s true journey is the journey of self-discovery, self-knowledge and self-control. Self-control does not mean passively sitting by and watching, it means living life to the fullest, most conscious level with you being in control. Men who have self-control know how to have a good party, how to have fun and how to stand up for a cause. They just do so whilst being fully in control of what they are doing and how they do it. That my friend is a Super Power!

THE REWARD

As I have already stated, when you have self-control you own the world. When you are able to control your diet, you are healthy. When you are able to control your spending and your money, you become wealthy. When you are able to control your emotions, you build relationships.

When you are able to control and exercise your effort and hard work, you can build an Empire.

THE HOW TO

  1. One step at a time!
  2. A Real Man looks at one area that he knows he is totally out of control in, and starts to take back the control, taking back the power from that area of his life.
  3. If your finances and financial well-being is not in control, it’s time to take control of this very important area. It’s time to get help, to take a course, to read a book or just to get back to basics. Financial control means spending less than you earn. It’s living within your means and going without.
  4. If you are physically out of shape, unhealthy and overweight, it’s time for you to take control of what you put into your mouth. It’s time for you to get more active and to stick to the system forever.

  5. Taking back control of your life is a grind. It’s simple - but not easy; if it were easy everyone would and could do it. Most of what you need to do is simple. Stop eating crap, spending your money on crap, drinking crap, putting crap into your brain. Educate yourself every day. Start something, do something and do it every day, it’s really simple. The hard part is unlearning your bad habits, going without, changing habits, moving on, being alone for a while, sweating, building, growing, getting others to fit in with the new you or letting them move on. In some cases, you may have to give them a push. The ideas behind a revolution are generally pretty simple, it’s the pain of changing that makes things tough.

  6. It’s setting up systems and timetables, reminders and disciplines that keep you on track and change your behavior. That’s really all it is, it’s a behavioural change. It’s a consistent and persistent behavioural change towards being in control of your life.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • No man can control everything in his life, that’s just impossible?
    Not if it is a superpower. Do you really want to control everything in your life? I think that would be a little bit boring. Or not. What I am talking about here is about being in control of most of the things that you are able to control. It’s not being in control of other people’s lives and it’s learning to accept that there are things that you can control and there are things that are out of your control.The things that are out of your control however, leave you with an option of how you deal with these issues when they arise in your life. Do you take control of the situation after the event or do you crumbleMost of these events that you could not control are great opportunities for you to take control of you and your emotions again. Based on your experience and skills you could possibly take control of a situation when you get there.As a Detective at a crime scene I could, would and had to take control of the crime scene; giving organisation to the chaos.

    The motor vehicle accident that your daughter is involved in can be a great opportunity for you to learn to control your emotions, your actions, and if done correctly, it can be a great opportunity for you to grow.

    Being in control does not mean, not allowing yourself to feel. On the contrary, when you are in control, you live life based on what you will and will not allow. You get and understand the process and you allow it to happen with your conscious involvement. You can’t control others, you really don’t need to, but you can control almost all aspects of you. That which we cannot control - we just let it be. Do you see how I’m starting to mesh together other points with this one? Man, this is getting deep.

WISDOM

"Self-control, what lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do." - Aristotle

"If you learn self-control you can master anything." - Anonymous

by Koco

A Real Man Says Sorry

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! It takes a Real Man not only to admit his mistake but genuinely to own it and say those three little words. Three words that must be spoken as a stand-alone statement with no excuses attached, no ifs or buts. The three words must be spoken with openness, honesty and genuine feelings of remorse. I am sorry!

Sorry doesn’t mean that there are no consequences, sorry means that you are remorseful and that it won’t ever happen again. It may take some time for somebody to forgive. It may take a whole lot of effort on your part to regain the person’s trust. Bear in mind that some people believe that once trust has been broken it can never again be given.

They say that to forgive is divine and perhaps your life is filled with people who can and do forgive. If you are lucky enough, and you get a second chance, you can never make the same mistake again. No matter what the outcome, a Real Man says sorry and he means it. In many situations, a simple “I’m sorry”, can be all the difference because people need to know that they are important and they really want to believe that people are good. It may not get you forgiveness and it may make the person crazy angry; but you can only be responsible for your apology and to try and fix that which needs fixing, the rest is up to the aggrieved party.

THE REWARD

When you say sorry you clean the slate and take ownership of your actions.

By saying sorry, you release bad energy, you solve the mystery of who done it; you may even get the chance to make it right.

Some women will accept your apology and may even forgive you.

I know I wouldn’t, but then again in many circumstances women are better than us.

Saying sorry means that you care, even if it wasn’t your fault, it’s always nice when someone says, “I am so sorry that it happened to you”.

THE HOW TO

  1. Always clarify what exactly you are apologising for, this shows that you understand fully the consequences and the gravity of the “crime” or your cock up!
  2. When appearing in court, the accused that pleads guilty is always asked in detail if he understands what he did and the consequences of his actions. He is asked if he knew that what he did was against the law and only after the magistrate is completely satisfied that he understands and accepts the gravity of the situation will he accept the guilty plea. You need to apologise for all that you did and make sure that they understand that you realise what you did and why it was unacceptable or hurtful or cheeky.
  3. Always try and add in “I will never do that again!” This will always help with further trust issues.
  4. Try and add “I have really learnt from my mistake; I was such an idiot please forgive me, I am so sorry!” Doing this on your knees, bearing gifts and eating humble pie while walking out to the dog box will probably have more impact.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • “I said sorry but she just won’t let it go.”
    If it was a biggie she is entitled to hold onto it and make you feel very guilty. Ride the storm, take it on the chin and work like mad to gain her respect and trust again. If, however, it starts wearing a little thin and it is thrown in your face month after month and is preventing your relationship from moving forward - let her know: if she cannot forgive, you may have to decide on a different course of action.
  • “But I’ll get into more trouble if I say sorry!”
    Man-up and work the trust back.
  • “She is seven years old and very disappointed.”
    Explain to her that she has the right to feel disappointed. Explain and show how you are a human and Dads make mistakes. Give an example of how she may have unintentionally disappointed you at some time, and you forgave her. Kids need to be taught about making mistakes and owning up to them.

WISDOM

"Saying sorry doesn’t mean there isn’t guilt, and forgiveness doesn’t mean that the pain is gone." - Harriet Morgan

by Koco

A Real Man Eats Correctly

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! I was going to call this one, a real man eats healthily but that would be a lie and an almost impossible task. The truth is that Real Men strive to eat healthily and it is a priority for them.

Real Men are realists. You are not going to eat healthy food for the rest of your life because … well you just aren’t. Some men who are obsessed with their bodies or who have made their bodies their hobby, do eat healthy their whole lives. Most guys can’t and don’t choose to do that, so Real Men can and do eat “less than healthily” on occasion. You have one very short life to live - so you can’t spend it avoiding all of the tasty food available to you. Knowing this, Real Men find balance in their diet. Do you get that? They have a balanced diet. It is perfectly okay to have the occasional “bad – fun meal” as long as it is balanced with healthy meals most of the time.

For most Real Men, the old 80/20 rule applies. Eat healthily and correctly for 80% of your week and you can eat whatever you want the other 20%. This means that you really never have to deprive yourself of the treats you enjoy.

ARM gets that life is all about being responsible and having fun, so you need to find the balance for you. When it comes to diets and nutrition, the one thing I have learnt, as with exercise, is that no one diet or eating system fits everyone.

At the time of writing this eggs are now back in fashion and nutritionists are talking about good cholesterol, and that you cannot have enough of them and blah, blah. Do you remember how just a few years ago they were telling us to avoid eggs?

What about how we should carbo-load and eat less meat? Then stay away from fats. Then let’s all go Banting and eat all the meat and fats. (Because now there are good fats and bad fats and food combinations.) It’s enough to make you just want to have a cheeseburger. I had a food allergy assessment done on me and how my body works, and I found that I was/am allergic to eggs; very allergic apparently, so I have to feed my body what works for me. You have a different metabolism to other guys, so follow one that works for you, but make sure you follow one.

THE REWARD

You are what you eat. All of the energy you have, comes from the food you eat, so it follows that if you eat low energy, crap food you are going to be a low energy, crap- feeling person.

Someone said, what you eat in private - you wear in public and to the hospital.

Losing weight and being healthy starts and ends in the kitchen.

THE HOW TO

  1. Okay so here is where I have to draw the line. You all know how to eat healthily. No one has to tell you the difference between a carrot and a cube of sugar. You know if you eat a hamburger you probably didn’t eat as healthily as if you had a salad.
  2. Stop being a child and grow up. You have to take a few hits when you decide to eat healthily. It is always tough and it takes commitment and effort, and you have to have tremendous will power to stick to it, but if it’s important enough to you, you’ll do it.
  3. It’s not about the food, it’s about the power food has over you. If you are out of shape and overweight - food has power over you. You can’t help but eat junk and it has become your drug. For many people, food is a feel-good drug. We eat to feel better about our lives and ourselves. Many people don’t even realise that they ‘comfort food eat’ because it is done as an unconscious instinct.
  4. Wake up to the addiction and take back your power.
  5. So, let me repeat this again, because it fits here. When you decide to take back your power, the day you decide is the day you will be invited to a party or restaurant. How else can you take back your power, unless you are placed into temptation?
  6. Let’s face it, it’s easy to eat healthily - stranded on a deserted island with very little food, and only coconuts to eat. But, as soon as you are back home, you become an addict again. Truth be told - you never stopped being an addict. Real Man power comes from being tempted and saying no, owning the decision and walking through the withdrawals. It’s not as a euphemism I use the example of food being a drug and people being addicts. Food and especially fast, quick, unhealthy food, is a drug, treat it and see it as one.
  7. Have you ever looked at a drug addict or alcoholic and just been amazed at how weak they are and how they should just say no and stop?
  8. I used to judge these people as weak and I had no patience with them, until I substituted their alcohol for my addiction to sugar, more specifically chocolate. I was a sugar addict and as soon as I called myself that word, I changed.
  9. Food may be your addiction, or porn, or some un-serving bad habit. How easy is it for you to say no?
  10. When you can control what you put in your mouth, every day, you have beaten addiction - for today! Because the temptations all start again tomorrow, and you know the saying, “once an addict, always an addict.” It takes only seconds to slip.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • But shouldn’t you just be happy with who you are?
    You should, until it starts to affect your health, your relationships and how you feel. When you live a life constantly in pain and uncomfortable; when you can’t breathe when you tie your shoe laces; when you have constant heart burn or you are too embarrassed to swim because you have to wear a costume; when you have no energy to go to work or play with your kids - then my friend, and I hope it’s not too late, then you will be forced to make the changes.Diabetes hardly ever just appears in the body; in most cases, it is a lifestyle disease. My Dad smoked a pack a day, drank a few liters of Coke every week and never broke a sweat in the name of exercise; big surprise when he was diagnosed as a diabetic and a few years later with stage 4 lung cancer. “But George Burns drank and smoked...”

    There is another take to this whole exercising and eating correctly argument. As I have already stated, my dad never exercised a day in his life, drank so much alcohol that he got pancreatitis, (so bad that the doctors said if he had one more drink he would die), he smoked a pack a day from the age of 17. My best friend’s father was a health freak and a former Mr. Universe. He treated his body as a temple, ate healthily, was up at 4 AM every day and trained in his home gym. Some mornings he used to run up the hill behind his house to get a “good leg pump”. Both of these men died at the age of 73. They both died of different types of cancer. So, what’s the point I hear you ask? Something is probably going to kill you, you say; and you are correct, but that’s not the point. I knew both of these men and I can tell you unequivocally that my friend’s father had a better quality of life, physically, than my dad ever did. My dad was in and out of hospitals his whole life and we couldn’t even count the number of doctor’s visits he had, or the number of drugs he took every day, just to make it through the day. I hope this helps.

WISDOM

"Every time you eat or drink you are either feeding disease or fighting it." - Heather Morgan

by Koco

Rule 2: A Real Man Protects his and all Children

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! Evolved societies protect the weakest amongst them. The weakest and most vulnerable in any society are our children. How children are treated when they are small will determine the type of adults they become, and how they treat their children and their elders. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Real Men understand the vulnerability, and in many cases, the helplessness of children. Real Men make sure that children are always safe and they spend most of their time making sure that no harm comes to them. It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child. Unfortunately, in a modern society with walls, gates and self-interest we seem to have moved to communities of isolation and non-communication.

Real Men, however, understand that it is their responsibility to look out for the safety and well-being of all children. Real Men would expect another man to protect his children in his absence, and he would know to do the same if the roles were reversed. Real Men protect children; they look after children and they teach children how to protect and look after themselves.

One of my main motivations for writing this MANual was how shockingly poor we as men are doing in this regard. It is disgusting - the amount of crime, manipulation, beatings, rapes and murders that are committed against children every day in this and in most countries. This shit has to stop and it starts and ends with Real Men. We can stop this and it all starts at home. It all starts in your home.

THE REWARD

Here’s another cliché: The children are our future. Not in any esoteric or Disneyland interpretation. Today’s children are literally the future of the world, and they will be making decisions on how you live as an old person, and how your grandchildren will be raised. Children who are raised to feel protected and safe are able to express themselves more freely. They become confident and feel loved and thereby spread confidence and love.

When you protect a child, you fulfil your role as a man.

When I wrote this, I thought – “why the hell would you even need a reward for protecting your children?” – this point is pointless.

THE HOW TO

  1. Make sure your home is safe, inside and out.
  2. Baby proof the house without becoming paranoid and going over the top.
  3. Never move into a house that does not have a lockable fence around a swimming pool. If you have children, grandchildren or any friends that have children - you must have protection against a drowning.
  4. In some cases, a fence may be impractical, so install a net or pool guard. Always remain alert when young people are around and be very, very vigilant. A kid came around to our house the other day, so I literally taped up every lock on every door leading out to the swimming pool. I warned the parent of the child, and I informed every adult in the house about the danger. It was a ‘pain-in-the-arse’ day, but the kid got home safely. If guests come to your home with small children, remind them that they must at all times be vigilant and watch their children. Elect an adult or a teenager for lifeguard duty the entire time of the party.
  5. In some poorer communities, toilets are “long drops”, these need to be secured, protected and locks need to be put in place that need adults to assist these children. The entire community should make donations to have all of these “toilets” sorted.
  6. Tuck your children into bed at night, every night if possible, making sure that they feel safe, because you are there.
  7. Feed your kids nutritional meals.
  8. Try not to use physical violence of any sort on your child. Violence begets violence. I am a great believer in refocusing, gentle tapping, firm admonishing, time-outs, and grounding, in order to protect children from themselves.
  9. Buy a book, research child discipline on the Internet and have a plan of action.
  10. Never leave your child in the care of anyone who you do not trust and who you have not completely checked out. This includes sleeping over at a friend, if you don’t know the parents - don’t take the risk. Most crimes committed against children are by people known to or who are family of the child. How scary is this fact?
  11. I could go on and on about all you can do, but basically when a child is born you become their personal bodyguard, protecting them from all outside dangers and themselves. It really does not stop.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • What about disease?
    Most diseases today have some type of inoculation or treatment. Make sure you tick all of the boxes after you have done thorough research. However, sometimes in life, in spite of all your efforts and vigilance, shit just happens! Manage it. Work it. Always just do the best that you can, that’s all anyone can ask.

WISDOM

"I am there waiting, watching and keeping to the shadows; but when you need me I’ll step out of the shadows and protect what’s mine." - Unknown

by Koco

It’s about Selling your Goods

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! Real Men sell their goods. Real Men do what they are good at doing and they spend most of their lives getting good at what they do. So, what are you “good” at, what are your goods?

When you find your “goods”, the things that you do well (good), you will make a fantastic living by sharing them with others. Real Men also sell only good products. They cannot sell inferior or substandard products or services because they know that they are not good enough. They have to believe in the quality and the standard of the actual products they sell. Products must be very good or better than others.

Too many people work in companies doing stuff they are not good at, and because of this they spend most of the time hating what they do. The result of this is a world of poor service and faulty products. Real Men find out what they are good at, which is generally something they enjoy doing, and they try a career that allows them to sell and market their goods. I hope you get the play on words here? When you join your goods to good products or services - you live a good life.

THE REWARD

When you sell your “goods” you basically wake up every morning being yourself.

When you sell your goods, you really don’t call it work, you just do what you do well, wherever you find yourself.

When you work with what you are good at, people will find you.

The greatest gift you can give anyone is your goods.

THE HOW TO

  1. Ask yourself what you are good at and then steer your career in that direction.
  2. If for some reason you don’t know what you are good at, ask someone else who knows you. Tell them that you are on a self-development programme and you need to ask them a question.
    “When you think about me or you hear my name what are my best attributes, personal or professional?”
  3. The list you get from all the people you ask will generally create a pattern of words and you will find your good. You may be good with people, have an eye for detail, be a big picture thinker, analytical, hard-working, honest, loyal or any number of traits. These are your goods; these are your gifts; these are your differentiators that differentiate you from anyone else. Find out what they are and work on them to make them better.
  4. Keep improving on what you do well; keep improving your goods!

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • I don’t think I’m really good at anything, I’m more of a Jack-of-all-trades and good at none.
    Then let that be your goods! You are a jack-of-all-trades, the go-to-guy in almost any situation because you know bits of everything and you are competent in most things. When they need an expert you can steer them in that direction, but you will be able to help everyone, everywhere almost every time. That’s a pretty good, good! Now spend more time perfecting one or two things that you do so that you can be a jack-of-all- trades and a master at SOME.

WISDOM

"A happy life is the one which is in accordance with its own nature." - Seneca

by Koco

A Real Man is a Good Citizen

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! I have long believed that every school should have a faculty called Good Citizenship. I don’t believe that I am the first person to ever think about this concept and I won’t be the last. The fact is that we need citizenship schools.

Real Men understand that in order to live in harmony with our neighbours in our communities, we need to adhere to certain moral, ethical, respectful, tolerant, commonsense practices. It seems that for too long we have left good citizenship and common sense unwritten and unenforced.

Real Men abide by good citizenship rules.

The challenge with having an illiterate electorate is that you get leaders who are nothing more than incompetent, manipulative thugs; and you only have to look at our world of dictators to see the point.

People need to be schooled, even in the most basic of levels, to understand how a government works; how officials and people in office are actually appointed by the people, and that they work for the electorate and not the other way around.

People need to pass a basic “how to live together test,” so that we all understand the need for respect, space and the rights of individuals. We need to understand that ‘might is not right’ and that self-interest never trumps the collective good.

THE REWARD

We are able to live in harmony with each other.

We are not guilty of really pissing somebody else off, because of our unconscious, intolerant behaviour.

THE HOW TO

  1. Don’t litter.
  2. Don’t talk on your phone without a car kit, whilst driving a car.
  3. Never ever text and drive.
  4. Don’t stop at the top of an escalator to decide which direction you’re going to walk in.
  5. Know what you want to order in a restaurant.
  6. If you are a jogger, don’t jog in the road where cars have to swerve to miss you.
  7. If you’re a cyclist, keep strictly to your side of the road and never ride two abreast while chatting.
  8. Put away your weights at a gym.
  9. Put some pants on at a gym - I don’t want to see you ugly shriveled up, hairy junk.
  10. Don’t be a noisy neighbour.
  11. Don’t be a nosy neighbour.
  12. When going to a movie, shut up.
  13. When going to a movie, decide what it is you wish to see, before you get to the paying counter.
  14. Don’t kick my chair. Don’t put your feet up on the chairs. Don’t snore in the movie.
  15. Get involved in your community.
  16. Stop complaining and do stuff.
  17. Stop at Stop signs.
  18. Don’t pull off, until the light turns green.
  19. Don’t swerve your car right - when you want to turn left.
  20. Wake up.
  21. Drive in the slow lanes until you want to pass somebody, then pass them and move back into the slower lanes.
  22. Basically, just obey the bloody rules of the road.
  23. Obey your municipal bylaws.
  24. Always think about how your conduct is affecting others.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • Aren’t you proposing a nanny state?
    No spark plug, I am proposing a place where people think about what they do and how it affects other people around them. The old ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ applies, nothing more - nothing less.
  • All good and well, but there is no such thing as citizenship school, so what’s the plan?
    The plan is pretty simple, run your own citizenship school and be an ‘A’ student. Be the example of an outstanding citizen to your kids, your family, your friends and anyone who meets you.

WISDOM

"A good citizen needs not of necessity to be a good man." - Aristotle

by Koco

A Real Man Gets Involved

THE THING

Here’s the Thing! Real men understand the importance of community. They understand that communities support families and that the more they are involved, the better the community. So, Real Men get involved with civic organizations, causes and schools.

In a modern, communication-friendly world, we are finding more and more that people are doing the exact opposite and are disappearing behind gated communities and walls and not connecting.

Alone we can go far, but together we can go further, so Real Men join and form associations for the betterment of the community.

Real Men volunteer their time at schools because they understand the importance of male role models.

Real Men volunteer to be street captains in suburbs, they join community policing forums and they get involved in the ratepayers’ associations.

Instead of sitting and complaining from a distance - Real Men get involved.

THE REWARD

Strong, close-knit communities have a habit of raising strong independent children.

Strong communities foster a safer, more successful populace.

When people stand together for the common good, they build relationships and a place to experience a sense of contribution.

When we have our neighbours looking out for us, our families are safer.

THE HOW TO

  1. Pick an area in your community that you would like to see improved or that you are interested in and join.
  2. Attend the important town hall meetings.
  3. Start a civic organisation if your community doesn’t have one for a particular area. Just get involved.
  4. In my diary I have a box that I need to tick every month that shows I have done something to contribute to my community.
  5. In our last community, we upgraded, built and changed the security procedures, creating one of the best functioning road closure/ gated communities in our suburb. My wife ran and managed the entire operation while I met with suppliers, trained guards and held them accountable.
  6. Volunteer your time to be part of the community clean-up.
  7. Put your signature on a petition.
  8. Contact and introduce yourself to all of your neighbours. Have all of the contact details at arm’s length.
  9. Get to know what is happening in your community. Know who belongs there and who doesn’t, and look out for your neighbours.

TROUBLE SHOOTING

  • I just hate committees and meetings!
    I think most people feel exactly the same way. But they get involved anyway. It does take a certain type of person to run and chair an association or meeting; I am not one of those people. I will however attend a meeting, have my say and when asked, I will volunteer my time and my services. There is always something you can do.
  • No one really appreciates anything that you do.
    That is why we don’t do it for the appreciation, accolades or acknowledgement. We get involved with our community because it is something that we must do for ourselves. I really don’t care what you think, I just want to put my head down and make a difference. The rest is just noise.

WISDOM

"Individually we are one drop, together we are an ocean." - Ryunsuke Satoro

by Koco