THE THING
Here’s the Thing! It takes a Real Man not only to admit his mistake but genuinely to own it and say those three little words. Three words that must be spoken as a stand-alone statement with no excuses attached, no ifs or buts. The three words must be spoken with openness, honesty and genuine feelings of remorse. I am sorry!
Sorry doesn’t mean that there are no consequences, sorry means that you are remorseful and that it won’t ever happen again. It may take some time for somebody to forgive. It may take a whole lot of effort on your part to regain the person’s trust. Bear in mind that some people believe that once trust has been broken it can never again be given.
They say that to forgive is divine and perhaps your life is filled with people who can and do forgive. If you are lucky enough, and you get a second chance, you can never make the same mistake again. No matter what the outcome, a Real Man says sorry and he means it. In many situations, a simple “I’m sorry”, can be all the difference because people need to know that they are important and they really want to believe that people are good. It may not get you forgiveness and it may make the person crazy angry; but you can only be responsible for your apology and to try and fix that which needs fixing, the rest is up to the aggrieved party.
THE REWARD
When you say sorry you clean the slate and take ownership of your actions.
By saying sorry, you release bad energy, you solve the mystery of who done it; you may even get the chance to make it right.
Some women will accept your apology and may even forgive you.
I know I wouldn’t, but then again in many circumstances women are better than us.
Saying sorry means that you care, even if it wasn’t your fault, it’s always nice when someone says, “I am so sorry that it happened to you”.
THE HOW TO
- Always clarify what exactly you are apologising for, this shows that you understand fully the consequences and the gravity of the “crime” or your cock up!
- When appearing in court, the accused that pleads guilty is always asked in detail if he understands what he did and the consequences of his actions. He is asked if he knew that what he did was against the law and only after the magistrate is completely satisfied that he understands and accepts the gravity of the situation will he accept the guilty plea. You need to apologise for all that you did and make sure that they understand that you realise what you did and why it was unacceptable or hurtful or cheeky.
- Always try and add in “I will never do that again!” This will always help with further trust issues.
- Try and add “I have really learnt from my mistake; I was such an idiot please forgive me, I am so sorry!” Doing this on your knees, bearing gifts and eating humble pie while walking out to the dog box will probably have more impact.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
- “I said sorry but she just won’t let it go.”
If it was a biggie she is entitled to hold onto it and make you feel very guilty. Ride the storm, take it on the chin and work like mad to gain her respect and trust again. If, however, it starts wearing a little thin and it is thrown in your face month after month and is preventing your relationship from moving forward – let her know: if she cannot forgive, you may have to decide on a different course of action. - “But I’ll get into more trouble if I say sorry!”
Man-up and work the trust back. - “She is seven years old and very disappointed.”
Explain to her that she has the right to feel disappointed. Explain and show how you are a human and Dads make mistakes. Give an example of how she may have unintentionally disappointed you at some time, and you forgave her. Kids need to be taught about making mistakes and owning up to them.
WISDOM
“Saying sorry doesn’t mean there isn’t guilt, and forgiveness doesn’t mean that the pain is gone.” – Harriet Morgan